Carmelite Center, Darien IL March 26–28, 2010

Male sexuality is a magical, mysterious and murky topic.  It is the energy that drives us toward others, but it is fragile, and open to shame and misuse. 

Illinois Midwest M.A.L.Es. sponsored an experiential weekend for men to explore the Divine Image reflected in the way God creates us male and female. 25 men participated with a trust, honesty and vulnerability that was engaging and exhausting, as we reflected on the great gift of our sexuality.

Drumming called the group together in the sacred circle, around a fire bowl that burned constantly, symbolizing the fire within each of us that calls out to more than what is, that drives us toward what lies beyond us and beyond the immediate surface of the person or object in our gaze. This fire within calls us to embrace some deeper reality or truth within the people and things that attract us in life.

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It seemed that as one man would share, it gave permission for the next man to go deeper than before. For me, as we men spoke and listened with such truth, love and acceptance, it was an immensely spiritual experience.

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The presenting team consisted of Bruce Carlson, Bob Colaresi, Ed Miller, Bill McElroy, Jack Moller and Greg Rodriguez.  The issue of sexuality was framed around intimacy and relationship, the call beyond to integrity as imaged in God.

Teachings and the integration of symbolic rituals over the weekend focused on coming to terms with the silence that exists in many families concerning male sexuality, a silence that causes shame or confusion about what it means to be a man.

The men took their next steps through the gateway of the complex challenge that sexuality poses by writing down three topics of male sexuality that we are reticent to talk about.  Anonymously put in a treasure chest, each man took one out and read aloud the issues written on their sheet.  This way, all the issues were out in the open.

Guidance about the wounds of male sexuality, shame, its power and unhealthy manifestations of sexuality struck a deep chord with the participants, as did issues of the sexual energy of the male archetypes—both its generative qualities and deceptive shadow side.

"This weekend far exceeded my expectations.  I was able to share with other men intimate hitherto private issues...," stated a participant.   "It seemed that as one man would share, it gave permission for the next man to go deeper than before. For me, as we men spoke and listened with such truth, love and acceptance, it was an immensely spiritual experience."

Sunday began with a teaching on the balance of the male and female, how to embrace our anima as well as the feminine divine. We reflected on Jesus' entrance into the Temple in our Palm Sunday remembrance, the need for renewing our images of God, so they befriend us and invite us into the temple, rather than haunt us.  The community of trusting brothers that had formed over the weekend ended with a Communion Service.  It had been a challenging journey.

Another man reflected on the power of the weekend gathering this way: "Sexuality is the ‘elephant in the room’ for men.  It drives much of our actions, from relationships to work to our efforts for happiness, yet we almost never speak of it.  This weekend brought our truth into light so that we might accept each other, ourselves and the sexuality God gave us. I gained insights which are taking weeks to absorb and will likely enhance the rest of my life."

"After 49+ years, I can accept a woman (other than my wife) as a friend, and say ‘I love’ about a man.  I can hardly imagine how much this has limited my life till now.  I was not even comfortable loving the man called Jesus until now.”