How to Keep Time

by Timmy Gallagher, MROP 2006 in Frost Valley, New York

"Millennium Christ" by Steven Gambill

If time is kept in the present, there is only that moment.

If time is kept in the moment, there is only that reality.

If time is kept in that reality, there is simply a choice.

If time is kept in a simple choice, there is only to say yes!

If time is kept in saying yes, there is only love.

If time is kept in love, there is no time.

I keep time in the moment of the reality
by choosing to say yes to love.

I keep time in love with you.

 

 

Helping Boys Navigate the Culture of Cruelty

by Chris Wardwell, MROP 2005 in Arizona

Early on in high school I recall a close group of my buddies who would hit my friend, Steven, every time he told a bad joke. At first we all thought it was funny, but after a while it had become such a regular thing that Steven started to flinch almost every time he spoke. And the fact that his jokes were not the best certainly didn't help his situation! Yet he never complained, never fought back, and never let on that it hurt.

I frequently find this kind of behavior in the students at the all-boy high school where I work. Though some of it may be good-natured rough-housing, there is plenty of punching, pushing, choke-holding, and insulting in the hallways between classes every day. I often imagine what it is like when the teachers are not there.

In their book, Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys, Dan Kindlon and Michael Thompson call this "culture of cruelty," a time when boys are subjected to "domination, humiliation, fear, and betrayal." They write, "anything a boy says or does that's different can and will be used against him… Almost all boys hide their hurt because to admit it appears weak."

In their desire for acceptance, boys often subvert their own wants and needs in order to fit in. Without a strong sense of worth and support from family and other mentors, a boy is more likely to allow his peer group to pull him away from his true interests, or push him into unhealthy activities in which he would not otherwise participate.

As a part of our rite of passage retreat for the boys at St. Thomas High School (Houston, Texas), we have incorporated a time when the fathers take a walk with their sons to tell them several things they admire or appreciate about their son. Prepared a few days beforehand, we instruct the dads to avoid general positive comments and be specific about their remarks. For example, instead of saying, "I am proud of your honesty," a dad might say, "I was very proud of you when you answered truthfully about the cheating incident last month" and then explain why. We also encourage the fathers to reflect the good things they see in the other boys throughout the retreat.

Though they will go to great extremes to avoid letting you know this, teenage boys want and need your acceptance and approval. Be a mirror for them. Tell them the good things you see. It can help them navigate their way through the culture of cruelty that too often can be overwhelming.